As the battleship closed in on the cruise ship, the radio came alive with questions about intentions. Rasputin, who knew the food on the cruise ship would be better than what he could come up with in the abandoned galley below, asked if he could join them for dinner. He offered to bring a red wine he'd discovered in the hold.
Unbeknown to Rasputin, the cruise ship was hosting a voyage of vegan hedonists who immediately saw in him the leader they had been searching for. When the party got really going and the asparagus was being put to multiple uses they called on him to share his vision.
Rasputin, who realized this crowd was just the sort needed to spice up farmville, stood and spoke of a utopia where the farm animals would not only NOT be eaten, but would be honored members of the community. His speech was cut short when the Captain informed him that he should return to his battleship because another vessel had been spotted, a ship flying a flag the captain had never seen before.
Who would have thought that hedonistic vegans would be so turned on by a battleship, Rasputin mused, as he turned the ship to face the oncoming enemy which turned out to be a coalition of militant carnivores and fanatic gardeners. For many of his volunteer crew this was a holy mission. As they armed the guns they sang Strawberry Fields Forever.
The carnivores opened with a salvo of big macs and then strafed with kilbasa. The gardeners, who objected to the lily salads popular with the more artistic vegans,sent forth a load of compost most ripe.
The vegans were having trouble calculating the angles to bring the guns to bear as the luddite faction among them ...had 'set the computers free.' Things did not look good for the admiral.
It was clear that the only escape possible would be through the use of drugs and alcohol. This was a technique with which Rasputin was quite accomplished. He had been saving a mega hit of what was reported to be a chemical clone of Sandoz acid for just such an eventuality.
It was an interesting trip - note new picture of our hero.
It was a powerful hit of acid, for a while Rasputin's persona became confused with Christopher, an anti Pope from 903-904. He was not certain if this was a past life or simply a confusion of spirits. After this episode passed Rasputin discovered his inner dog which unfortunately chased him around for an ugly twenty minutes.
Eventually the inner dog tired and went off to sniff a fire hydrant giving Rasputin time to get into another frame of mind. This time he chose an ornate goldleaf.
The ready made frame proved to be an irresistible opportunity for Cheryl Langley, an assistant district attorney with a smoldering ambition for elected office. Before he was fully down, Rasputin was arrested and under interrogation for most of the unsolved crimes in Carroll County. This was not a groovy way to end an... acid trip, Rasputin protested, as he offered to sign Cheryl's petition to get on the ballot.
"If only you were a republican," Cheryl said. "besides, as a convicted felon you'll lose your vote."
"But I'm a member of the carrot party - it's like the tea party, but better for you." Rasputin knew he was grasping for straws, but maybe he'd find the one that took out the camel.
Having shown enough of her softer sid...e, the ambitious ADA said, "You know where you can stick your carrot."
Rasputin who had been known to swing in many directions, some simultaneously, was no stranger to vegetable sex; still this interrogation, even though lengthy, had to be considered a first date. Naked frolic which included vegetables, no matter how nubile the eggplant, was not something he did without knowing all the p...articipants well. After all, he did have some standards.
Still, he sensed there was more than a casual insult in Cheryl's remarks and wondered if this might lead to a rapprochement with her, and more importantly getting him out of this jail. After all his invasion was scheduled soon, and once he again knew what day it was, he would know exactly how soon.
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